I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
Currently, I'm a college student working on my Master's in Adult Education and Training so I can go back to teaching. I'm also trying to keep my fledgling jewelry business afloat. Then there is the writing that I would *like* to do, but never seem to get around to doing.
Oh and then there's the "mom" thing, the "adult of the household" thing and the "friend/girlfriend" thing. Oh, and let's not forget my Facebook addiction...I've got crops to harvest, jewels to explode and typing races to win.
With that much going on...how in the name of Brian Boitano do I find time to let self-doubt creep in?
I've got an A average in school, jewelry is really starting to take off, and I'm chalk full of ideas and post-its galore as proof of this. The kids are healthy and in one piece, we have a roof over our heads (and sometimes it's even clean!), food on the table and clothes on our backs, and I'm pretty sure my relationships with my friends are good.
So, why do I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere?
I'll be the first to admit that I am an impatient person who thrives on instant gratification in most things. An exception: payback/revenge. That I like to take my time with...I prefer the mindf*** over instant payback.
But I digress.
The thought that I've got another year of school makes me wanna cry. I want to be done NOW. Check that, I want to be done YESTERDAY! I want a gallery, boutique and QVC to discover my jewelry and sign me to big contracts NOW! It's not that I'm not willing to do the work to get where I want to be...I just HATE that it all takes time.
Patience is NOT a virtue I have.
There was a time in my writing career that if you googled my name, the whole first page was me. Now, nada. The idea of pretty much starting from the bottom and working my way up (again) again makes me wanna cry. And that's if I'm lucky enough to have that kind of success again. And it doesn't help that I don't know what kind of writer I want to be when I grow up.
So, what's a girl to do? Just keep working I suppose. Keep my eyes on the prize and keep the faith that hard work and some luck will get me to where I want to be.
And stop writing cliches and looking for silver linings...
Dammit!
LOL
Comments (2)
Alrighty, I will be following your blog from now on!!! I love how expressive you are and yes crap creeps up and life happens. But honestly, it sounds like you know exactly what ya want lol other than which writer you want to be when you grow up lol. Anyway mucho kudos to you!!!!
Thats why I came to your blog remember - And I waited so long for you to come back LOL
You are so eloquent and ezpressive in your thought - You really have a gift for writing!
I believe no matter what you want to do - You will achieve it. I find it wierd thinking about adults in college and stuff cos it's not much done over here. But..... I do think it is a good ting if it puts you in good stead for something you want to achieve...